Last night was my last night with my dog Sunny. We went for a walk in the dark, Sunny running ahead as usual, not really walking. Tears were pouring down my face as my heart broke quietly on the inside.I thought about all the good times we'd had together, so many of them. So many sparkling moments that shine in the dimness of most of my life. I remember how I brought you home the first time as a puppy, how you sat on my lap and cried, and I tried to comfort you and drive at the same time. I snuggled you in my bed under the blankets, and you leapt out excited and so full of life first thing in the morning. You knew never grew out of loving to snuggle up, or the sheer excitement of being alive that made you leap into the air...My cat max, the odd one out, the big fluffy black tom cat, loved you straight away, although you weren't sure about him....you both ran after the ball together. But Mr Sox, a slim black and white cat, didn't want you around, he hid behind a curtain and lashed out at you as you bounded by in typical puppy fashion. He aimed for your eyes, and he found one...ever since then you've been my beautiful one eyed dog. It was snowing that day, we had to wait for the weather to clear, to take you to the vet, and you lay on top of my boyfriend all day and cried. Mr Sox took off, but my other cats, Kokomo and Midnight came to love and trust you over time.Years later we would all go on long walks together, with your best friend a mastiff staffy x called extra.. and sometimes with a couple of the neighbours dogs in tow.
I have so many memories, so much love and so much joy... I can't write them all just now. I just know I love you from the bottom of my heart. So for it to come to this, to have to voluntarily give you up, my best friend ever??..you kept coming back to me last night, as I walked and you ran ahead..seeing my anguish, looking at me with puzzled eyes and concern on your face....
When we climbed into bed for the last time, I stroked your body, really feeling it for the last time. And I prayed for you. I dreamt of you running with beautiful, happy dogs of all shapes and sizes. In the morning we got up early and went to the park. You chased the birds on the playing field with the same joy and enthusiasm as ever.....
You were so brave when I took you to the shelter to be rehomed. Your tail was high as the handler slipped a lead over your head, you were eager to find out more about the dogs you could hear and smell just around the corner. You walked away from me for the last time. But you will forever, ever be in my heart. I feel your spirit so strongly, you are part of my medicine. The pain and the love that force my heart to open up. That sends my spirit searching to the heavens for answers to those seemingly unanswerable questions. You are the most love I've ever known.
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