Nik

 The sun's shining, it's a beautiful day...and I'd feel great about it if I hadn't got to bed at 4am, and been up again at 8. So am going back to bed as soon as I've finished collecting a few thoughts together and writing them down. It's kinda exciting catching random thoughts. I like to be surprised by what's there lurking around in the waters of unconsciousness... "Stream" of consciousness writing allows pretty much anything to surface. Sounds more and more like fishin, and it IS a lot like like fishing. I'm tired now, not in the best place to catch that Marlin of thought that will wrestle with me to the core of my being for hours in a single minded, focused passionate way. Today is more like a day for piddling around at the duck pond, catching little random thoughts, and most of them will be too small to keep and end up getting thrown back

 I'm thinking about Nik, but not really wanting to. Nik is the person I want to think about only as someone else's challenge, but I didn't want him to be mine! Nik loves women.. if not all women, he's certainly capable of loving a huge variety of women, and he DOES. He has five or more women on the go at any one time. Damn it, I kinda enjoyed talking with him. No - I really enjoyed our explorations of thought...and that's rare these days for me. I woke up feeling a bit aroused and I'd done really well at staying out of that place with him. I really don't want to be part of his entourage though, & I can feel the pull.

 I went to the large crumbling villa that he shares with a random & ever changing flow of people. My beautiful African friend who I'll call Z , has just arrived there and is staying in the bicycle room. I want to get to know him better, & that was my intention when I went round there last night. I wasn't expecting, planning or even thinking of sharing a massage and then a cuddle , and some real converstaion, with Nik. I didn't stay the night, so we didn't sleep together in any sense of the word. But Nik opened a few doors and windows to my soul a little, and it was good. I was, and still am a bit surprised by that. So I'm going to sleep on it now. When I woke earlier, I could feel his spirit flowing around me, and the arousal that went with it.. his spirit was seeking me out, and it found me in that half awakened dream space .... which is where I want to be now, not half awake, but fully immersed in sleep.